“Fuck!” exclaimed Lance Alot, singer of mediocre local bar band Dangling Duty.
“I know I shared this event with at least a dozen Facebook Groups! Why isn’t anybody here?”
The band had been preparing for months for this show – getting together two-and-a-half times to rehearse.
“Well, it would have been a full three times, but (rhythm guitar player) Jerry’s cat got sick and he had to go drive it to the vet…y’know on account of his wife’s DUI and all.”
They had put together what was considered the most epic set list – and were really hoping to see some die-hards make it to the show.
“Our friends were all busy,” continued Alot, “but we figured if we play songs that we like, people would just come.” When suggested to pick material that might appeal to the masses – especially women – Alot replied, “Fuck that shit! We’re breaking out the Pantera, Voivod, Sepultura, y’know…all the classics.”
“We had these great flyers made, too (pointing to a half-ripped piece of paper next to the dartboard). My girlfriend made them. She’s a really good artist, plus she’s the only one with a working printer…so…”
But there was more to DD’s marketing strategy. They decided to use the power of the internet to get the word out.
“I have, like, 2,500 Facebook friends, but they’re all lame-o. So I joined a bunch of music groups. Some of them are really big, so I figure if I just pop in, advertise my gig, and then leave and never check the post, there will definitely be people that show up. Law of averages, right?”
When asked about which groups Alot specifically joined, he was somewhat vague.
“I think…no, yeah…I think they were all music groups. I didn’t really bother to check what the purpose of the groups are, or where they are located, but I don’t have time for that kinda stuff. Who has time to read?”
Regardless, Alot still seemed optimistic.
“Not sure if we’re gonna get paid, but y’know, if we play the show and maybe a few people swing by, they might give us a free bar tab.”
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